I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
