I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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