Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
