Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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