i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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