apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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