That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Success! We fucked roommates!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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