Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
