We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
