We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
