everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
