Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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