so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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