i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
