so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
