Tell her she can't have a vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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