If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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