I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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