She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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