I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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