why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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