Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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