You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize