I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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