Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
