i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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