I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
