Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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