I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
