dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
