Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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