I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
there is glitter all over my balls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
