I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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