You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
