I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
