never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
