I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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