I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
