I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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