So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
