i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
