I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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