just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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