I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
