Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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