a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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