Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
