My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
