I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
