I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
