people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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