One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize