The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
