i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
as a side note pls kill me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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