Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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