i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
