Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
