I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
