Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am puke
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
