is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
