u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
