Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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